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How to Keep House While Drowning

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How to Keep House While Drowning

A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing

Simon Element,

15 min read
8 take-aways
Text available

What's inside?

What if the key to a well-ordered home and life is rethinking what that ideal really means?

Editorial Rating

7

getAbstract Rating

  • Applicable
  • Concrete Examples
  • Engaging

Recommendation

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by mess, shame over unfinished chores, or tension around the division of labor at home, therapist KC Davis offers much-needed guidance. Her thoughtful treatise invites you to see housework not as a moral obligation but as a functional act that supports well-being. Although her book mainly targets neurodivergent people with executive dysfunction, it’s laden with sound advice for anyone struggling to meet some predetermined standard of upkeep. “You don’t exist to serve your space; your space exists to serve you.” So learn to make peace with your chaos.

Summary

Stop assigning harmful meanings to messiness.

If a pile of dirty dishes is building up in your sink, do you feel ashamed? This sentiment doesn’t spring from the dishes themselves but from years of conditioning — from your family, community, or society’s expectations — that cleanliness equates with worthiness. People often see household chores as inherently virtuous. But there’s no end to these kinds of tasks; thus, individuals with such views struggle to relax. Over time, a belief that you are morally flawed for falling behind on care tasks can develop. In reality, your degree of organizational prowess has no bearing on your integrity or personal worth.

Don’t conflate “organized” and “tidy.” You can be both messy and organized. If your space is functional and everything is where you want it to be, it does not need to meet someone else’s definition of neatness. Instead of interpreting a messy space as failure, view it as a sign of life. Dirty dishes mean you cooked delicious meals, scattered toys mean play occurred, and laundry piles mean you lived through another day. Replacing critical self-talk with compassionate, neutral language helps separate your sense of self...

About the Author

Therapist KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care.

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